“Hello…Red... anybody in there?” Noah says, whispering in my ear.
I let out an annoyed object. I hate it when he calls me Red. It sounds so manly. He loves making fun of my red curls and burnt umber skin.

I have review it & I'll be honest it's not really good. I was bored.

It doesn't seem to have a permissible beginning. I would recommend you to focus on the beginning.

The dialog is insouciant.

It doesn't have very good descriptions.

Ocelotl | Jul 26, 2010

I conscious I've asked a thousand times, but I keep adding more and changing it, so oh welllll.(:

The unceasing raced for his life through an ancient Greece forest; the thick-witted trees and underbrush swallowing him in its depths. He wore a ivory linen skirt,

Its healthy, but maybe you should try combining some of your sentences. Theres a few places like when ur describing Tartarus where you say it's a pen in two different sentences. Keep working on it and it'll eventually be a really god dispatch. :)

Plistifid | Oct 20, 2010

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